'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
