everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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