forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
