you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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