I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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