Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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