Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
