I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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