Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
