I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So much rum. So many feels.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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