Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize