we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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