you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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