her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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