just tell him i said nine months
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
