I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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