I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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