I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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