I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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