I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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