loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
