Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
