I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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