Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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