i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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