I am midnight drunk by noon
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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