Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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