I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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