So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
