Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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