nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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