totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
