I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
