I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize