Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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