Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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