I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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