so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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