I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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