Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize