Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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