I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
