Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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