You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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