I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Your dad touched me again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
