GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
