I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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