its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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