Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
