Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
