I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
