Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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