At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
