I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
