I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
