Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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