I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
