i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
