have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You've changed since you got that strap on
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
