I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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