everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize