Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He better not be in your backpack
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
