So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
