I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
