ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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