You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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