Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
