im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
